


Doomed

by deansbrave



Series: Garbage Barge [6]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dark Ritual, F/M, Lots of that, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, cause Alistiar is alive and well, emotional stress, so expect more drama here, this is an alternate to a softer world
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-11 10:41:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19926748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deansbrave/pseuds/deansbrave
Summary: And when it rains it fucking pours, but I think I like it





	Doomed

**Author's Note:**

> So this is basically an alternate version of a Softer World where Alistair is alive, and Falin left him to protect him (at least thats what she tells herself) so this isnt going to be told in any particularly linear way. Its just going to be parts of A Softer World with a twist I suppose. Although this would be Falins true canon, with Alistair alive, and her having left him behind the way she did. A Softer World is a story thats been kicking around in my head for years so thats where I want the main focus to be for the time being. But I cant help my self, and needed to write this.

Seeing her across the room on the arm of another man hurt. Even after all these years of being separated it hurt. 

It hurt when he saw her dancing with Nathaniel Howe (of all the Maker Damned people she could be with it had to be the son of the man who murdered her family).

It hurt when he saw her with Garrett Hawke, but of course he was the Champion of Kirkwall, and a Fereldan. It only made sense it seemed. The Hero, and The Champion.

It hurt now seeing her on the arm of the Commander of the Inquisition.

But this was the first time of all those time that they locked eye from across the room.

She turned away immediately leaving the Commander behind, and disappeared into the crowds of Halamshiral.

Of course the Inquisition would be here tonight.

Of course she would be here tonight. She was as responsible for as many of their victories as the Inquisitor, and Rutherford were. 

Damned war hero’s all of them.

He found her again later that evening. Sipping a drink, and leaning against a wall looking all for all the world irritated, and bored all at once.

This time when he came near her, she did not run.

“Falin.” 

“Alistair.”

“You look beautiful tonight” He looked at her, and hoped that she would make eye contact.

She did.

“And you look dashing. A proper King, yeah?”

She was drunk. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes squinted, and that fucking smirk on her face.

“How… are you?” He asked, not quite sure where to go. He couldn’t just go straight into ‘Why did you fucking leave me, and not speak to me for almost ten years?’

“Rubbing elbows with fucking Orlesians, and telling Hawke to fuck off every five minutes cause he can’t take no for an answer.”

Alistair laughed at that. He couldn’t help it. 

“What about you?”

“Oh you know. Rubbing elbows with fucking Orlesians.”

Falin snorted.

“There’s worse things I suppose” She shrugged finishing what was in her glass, and signaling the server for another. A young elven girl came by, and Falin placed her empty glass on the tray, and took another full one.

“Yeah? How so?”

“You could be not here. That wouldn’t be fun I suppose” She smiled at him.

He wanted to smile back, to act like there wasn’t this chasm between them. Maker he wanted nothing more than to take the love of his life in his arms, and just hold her.

“Falin…”

“Look Al, I’m drunk right now alright? I saw Morrigan earlier, and so I got drunk cause I don’t want to deal with _that_ either. I’m saying, and thinking, and feeling shit that I’ve been covering up for years.”

“I just want to know why you left me. You engaged yourself to me, and left me.” Alistairs voice was hard with hurt, and pain. He just wanted his answer. Falin turned to look at him fully, and Maker he thought he fell in love with her right then, and there again. She was gorgeous in her dress, and her drunkenness, and radiant in her anger.

There was nothing about this woman that he didn’t love. And that was dangerous.

“Why did I leave?” She asked staring at him hard “You really want to know?”

“Yes” He asked, the desperation in his voice clear “Its all I’ve ever wanted to know.”

Falin looked away for a moment, shaking her head, and tossed back her drink. She looked at him again, brilliant red hair askew from running her hands through it in frustration all night.

“I left because I can’t give you what you deserve.”

“What?” Alistair demanded.

“That’s why I left. I can’t give you an heir, I can’t give you a soft, and easy to deal with wife, I can’t give you a Queen Fereldan would be proud of. I can’t give you love that doesn’t hurt because this love between us… it has always had that cloud looming over it. Our love was born from anguish, and tragedy, and war –”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Alistair snapped grabbing her wrist, and pulling her in closer.

“Because what if you didn’t love me after the war. What if I stayed the same woman that war made? What if I couldn’t go back to being a teryns daughter, perfect, and soft, and fit to be a Queen?”

“Why would that matter? I fell in love with you, as you were, Maker Damn you woman I still fucking love you!”

“But you don’t know me anymore, you know nothing of the monster that took over the girl I used to be” She snapped back, all teeth, and malice.

“I’ll always know you” He hissed right in her face “Because you are broken, and tired, and angry all the same as me, and that makes you mine. War built two monsters, not just one.”

“Falin?”

They broke apart, watching as Cullen slowly approached them. He eyed Alistair wearily, having seen how Alistair had been holding the small woman so close, how anger had burned in both their eyes.

“Excuse me” Alistair took a step back as he, and Falin eyed each other “I must go find Teagan. Have a good night Commanders.”

Cullen waited until the King was out of eyesight before he looked to Falin.

“Are you alright?”

“Just fine” She said, but her voice was tense. 

“You don’t sound fine.”

She turned a truly scathing look at him.

“I said, that I am fine.”

“The Inquisitor is looking for you. He has information on Morrigan he said that you would like to hear.”

“Wonderful” She huffed, shaking her head. “If I’m not black out drunk by the time we leave this damned place I better be dead.”

Cullen chuckled, and placed a hand on the small of Falins back as he led her towards the main ball room.

“What was that about, between you, and the King?”

He wanted it to seem like a simple question, but Falin knew better.

“Don’t go getting jealous Cullen. There’s nothing to worry about with Alistair… even if I wanted him back it could never happen at this point. That life, and that me is too far gone.”

Cullen nodded.

“You aren’t a monster you know” He said.

Falin stopped dead, and looked at Cullen betraying no emotion.

“How much of mine, and Alistairs conversation did you hear?”

“Enough to be worried of where your heart lays.”

“There is no heart to worry about Cullen, get that straight right now. What you, and I have is a physical relationship, and nothing more. If you want that to continue, by all means it can. But if you think I have anything more to offer than that; then I’m sorry because I must not have made myself clear enough from the start.”

“Falin –”

“There is no heart left here Commander. It has been gone, and unfeeling for a very long time.”

“I don’t think that’s true” He said “Otherwise your argument with the King would not have been quite so passionate.”

“And what do you know of passion? What do you know of love?” Falin snapped narrowing her eyes at Cullen.

“I know enough of you to know that you aren’t as cold, and unfeeling as you would like to be. I know you hide behind the anger, and the alcohol like a child holding their mothers skirts.”

“If you think I have anything more to offer you Cullen, then you’re going to be very disappointed” She said. She stormed away from him, the train of her dress trailing behind her as she went.

Cullen pinched the bridge of his nose, and rubbed in frustration.

That damned woman, and this damned place were getting to him.


End file.
